Friday, March 15, 2013
...I'm just going through the motions,
Not living at all...
On my own, in front of you, I am alone. It's safe to cry. Out there it's not. Out there I put on my masks. The masks that tell people I'm okay, nothing's wrong. The veils that hide the fear, the shame, lurking behind those thin emotional walls that protect me from hurt. I cry with you in the dark, because I feel that's the only safe place. To show other's my fear and shame would be to commit social suicide. When you show people a little of the truth inside, they begin to avoid you like the black plaque. I know, I've seen it happen. I've avoided friends who have shown me their weakness. The gossip, the laughter, and those condesending looks, where you just know what they're thinking,"I feel so sorry for her, but she did it to herself! I would never..."
I was one of those woman, just trying to fit in. Now, I need someone... and I have no one but myself. I feel myself becoming colder and colder with each passing day. This morning my husband called me, "Ice Queen." This scares me... It's not who I really am... It's not who I want to be. I need someone to talk to, but there's no safe place.
Lonely Polly all alone, hard and cold
Lonely Polly, all alone
You have me, and that's the safest place of all
The ice caps around your heart must melt for you to see who you were created to be. There are safe places to talk. Seek and you shall find them.
Trust me and I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone... Trust me and I will help you become who I created you to be.
You are not alone!
Scripture: Ezekiel 36:26